The Suicide Index: Putting My Father’s Death in Order
by Joan Wickersham
Published by Harcourt Books
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Reviewed by Kim Bagato
Joan Wickersham’s The Suicide Index: Putting My Father’s Death in Order is best described as engaging, gripping and candid.
Wickersham leads us through her father’s final moments. She reveals details of this confusing tragedy in a family’s life—suicide. Those who commit suicide leave loved ones with a black hole of unanswerable questions. Anyone who has been touched by suicide knows the pain of never fully understanding or resolving this aspect of life.
The author seeks to unravel the mystery of her father’s suicide by investigating anyone who knew him. She reflects on her own memories, both as a child and an adult to find reason for his drastic act of selfishness. As much as we’d like to know everything about those closest to us, there are limitations. Can we really comprehend the mind of someone else?
Gently and transparently Wickersham reveals her phases of denial, anger, hopelessness and grief. She searches for a murderer, rejecting the idea that her father would have ended his life. She wishes blame on her mother, her father’s business partners and associates. Was it a jealous neighbor? A so-called friend? Finding no answers, she settles that her father did take his own life–and he left no clues.
Wickersham struggles to live daily life as a mother and wife, sister and daughter, as everything comes into question. Is it all a lie? Does she view her father through rose-colored glasses? Did he suffer an undetected medical condition?
Walking the high road of inspection and low road of introspection simultaneously, I must agree with the author that suicide is difficult to understand. The search for answers is evasive and frustrating. I discovered along with Wickersham the conspicuous void in my family album left by one who committed suicide. Nevertheless, life goes on.
Armchair Interviews says: A book worth reading for anyone whose life has been affected by suicide.