(Not That You Asked)
by Steve Almond
Published by Random House
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Reviewed by Claire Vath
Subtitled: Rants, Exploits, and Obsessions
Love him or hate him—and many have strong opinions—with Steve Almond’s “(Not that you asked) Rants, Exploits, and Obsessions” you know what you’re getting yourself into from the title.
Almond, the bestselling author of Candyfreak, leaves no stone unturned in his bizarre life. In this book of vignettes, Almond spills out his obsessions, which include spending days poring over his hero, Kurt Vonnegut’s material; his lifelong love of the Oakland A’s and their (his) quest for glory; and his extreme phobia of lobsters—especially those “larger than many newborn infants.”
If a rant strikes your fancy, there are plenty to choose from. Almond maps out his colorful vendetta against literary blogger Mark Sarvas, over which he wanted a “supercharged literary smackdown.” Don’t get him started about Republican “hateocracy.” But on a softer side, he examines his Jewish heritage—or the lack thereof—with perhaps a sense of wistfulness.
On a more humorous note, his exploits run the gamut from a condom-eating dog to his first encounter with fake breasts. Almond also recounts his brief brush with cellulose fame over a never-aired appearance on a VH1 special.
And then he becomes a father to the aptly named embryo “Peanut Almond.” From conception to post-birth, Steve meticulously details all his imagined mishaps as a first-time father.
Almond’s tidbits of experience—many a useful manual of “what not do”—are laugh-out-loud funny; at other times you’ll find yourself blushing.
And, his glib, self-confessed quirks sometimes make Woody Allen seem normal. Almond’s tongue-in-cheek wit, take it or leave it, is written with such familiarity, you find yourself intimately acquainted with the author, despite his capriciousness. Almond’s book of essays is written in a confident voice that comes from riding the wave of success from his previous titles.
Admittedly, even when you want to kick him in the mouth after some of his chapters, his style, tone and details are precise and consistently good.
After reading this book, you’ll either be laughing or want to punch Steve Almond. Either way he expects it; after all, he warned you in the title.
Armchair Interviews says: Forewarned, maybe you’ll love to take your chances to be entertained by Steve Almond.
Author’s Web site: http://www.StevenAlmond.com