Married But Not Engaged
by Paul & Sandy Coughlin
Published by Bethany House
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Reviewed by Connie Anderson
Written by Paul Couglin, author of No More Christian Nice Guy (CNG), he is joined by his wife Sandy to tell us what Married But Not Engaged is doing to relationships.
This title at first confused me until I realized "engaged" here meant "being involved.
Early on (pg 14) the authors tell how Paul (as a former CNG) answers wives' questions about their CNG. "For you who say "My husband's a nice guy, but...." Married But Not Engaged gets to the heart of the matter, explaining what intimacy is (and isn't), why it's missing, what happens when it's absent, where his seemingly inexplicable behavior comes from, and what can be done to bring change and growth."
The CNG are described as "too nice, pleasantly evasive, uses all his energy to keep up appearances.
The authors explain some modern-day misunderstandings of Jesus life or teaching--concepts carried by today's CNC. Same is true of Bible verses twisted meanings.
One wife wrote to the authors, (pg 60): My husband sees himself throughout No More Christian Nice Guy. He decided at some point that he must avoid anger and conflict at all costs. He's become the great pretender. It's more important to look good than live good.
This second book follows No More Christian Nice Guy with input for the careworn wives of these men. CNG behavior and passivity can cause them all kinds of physical illnesses (digestive and headaches, for example).
When men and women understand how CNG ideals can cause havoc, they can walk hand in hand through life together. When these men have a women of goodwill in his corner, with her courage, creativity and faith, they can begin to trust each other again.
Armchair Interviews says: These two books would be excellent study guides for a church couples group or would give counseling professionals some added insight into the CNG phenomena.